Chapter 1

I mentioned to my girlfriend that I would like to be submissive to her dominant in the bedroom and she took it way too far. Now I’m stuck and if I try to say something she will probably leave me forever. But I will start at the beginning.

I look back to age 10 when a neighborhood girl tied me up as her reward for finding me in Hide and Seek “Cowboys and Indians”. Or I can’t really remember the exact game. I was unexpectedly freaked out by the experience at the time and couldn’t look her in the eye again but months later I realized that I was fascinated by it and wanted another experience. I was a shy boy and this was before the internet so I didn’t do anything other than fantasize about it for years, and a few years later this experience dominated my dreams as I learned to masturbate.

It wasn’t until I was 18 years old when I had the courage to ask my girlfriend at the time if she was interested in bondage and she agreed to tie me up. That was a great and at the same time scary experience but she did not enjoy it and as it turns out our relationship did not last long.

I did not date much in college. I was uncomfortable asking women out and figured that they probably wouldn’t want to tie me up anyway so why should I go through all of that stress.

When I was 23 years old, after a year on my job a woman I had never seen before asked me for help with her new job. It felt good to be the gallant gentleman and seeing how appreciative she was gave me the courage to ask her out. To my surprise, we hit it off and as our relationship progressed I realized that I could be happy without being tied up, very happy.

We moved in together a year later. We agreed that we would not marry because there really wasn’t a need for that and it wasn’t something either of us wanted. Our relationship was just as committed as a marriage.

A few years later I was looking for a politics web site but mis-typed it and a sexual web site came up which had women putting men in various types of bondage and torturing them. The bondage was exciting to me although I knew that I could not take any torture as even a visit to the doctor for a blood test would get me all stressed out.

I didn’t consider mentioning this site to my girlfriend because I didn’t want to ruin the good relationship we had so I decided to just visit the sites when she was out of town for a few days as she was for her job from time to time. I really enjoyed those times, not more than the times she was with me but it was different and exciting.

After several months I began to look at those sites at times when she was not out of town but just not in the house at the moment. In a way, I couldn’t help myself.

I felt guilty about this, though, and after a few weeks of this decided that I needed to do something other than sneak behind my girlfriend’s back to view web sites. I didn’t want to stop viewing the sites without exploring the possibility that she would be okay with it so I decided to tell her about the sites.

“Do you think of me when you view those sites?” she asked.

I didn’t want to insult her by insinuating that she was that type of woman so I quickly said “No, I don’t think you’re that sort of person” meaning to compliment her.

She got a bit agitated and said “Don’t you think I’m capable of tying you up and whipping you?”

I stammered “I…I don’t know.”

She said, more calmly, “Would you like me to?”

I blushed a bit and said “If you’re interested, yes, except for the whipping.”

She inquired “Why not the whipping? I thought that was always part of it whenever I’ve heard of S&M.”

I guess she was more aware about this than I had figured, though whipping isn’t always part of S&M. I said “You know how I am about pain.”

She said “Yeah, a baby! I would love to see how you react to real pain” and we both laughed. She continued “Honey, I would be glad to tie you up. Why haven’t you said anything about this before?”

I responded “I didn’t think you would be interested.”

She said “I am interested. Right now.”

I gave her full reign to do whatever she wanted as long as my mouth was free and she promised to honor a safe word we agreed upon. It was very scary and the face up spread eagled bondage seemed too tight but I didn’t complain and it was great, she seemed to enjoy verbally degrading and taunting me while I was tied up. Once she untied me we had great sex.

From that time on we both seemed almost obsessed with her dominance over me. Almost everything I read indicated that couples usually established a play zone or a play time but in our case she would treat me as her slave in our house at any time of her choosing and without any warning. She had me washing the dishes after dinner and doing more of the housework plus she never asked me for any favors, she always just ordered me around. I had to kiss her feet whenever she or I entered the room and she had me give her frequent massages. She even belittled and yelled at me just because she wanted to. She threw things on the floor just to make me pick them up. And not only as prelude to sex, it would be any time she wanted. I felt like a slave. I loved every minute of it and wanted more.

She asked if she could include open hand spanking in her dominance of me and I agreed to try it out. The first spanking was light but it was almost at my limit and I did all I could to avoid saying the safe word. Spanking became a regular part of our relationship and it was hard to determine for certain as I groaned and struggled in pain but it seemed as though she was increasing the number of blows with each spanking.

I didn’t enjoy the spanking but if they helped her get into her dominance of me then I was happy to oblige. In a way it helped me feel more victimized which I liked so I resolved not to safe word unless it became way too much to take, which it didn’t.

Over time my girlfriend introduced different types of torture and toys into our relationship, one at a time. First was a wooden spoon to spank with and that hurt like heck although she did not hit too hard. Then she bought a beginner cat-o-nine-tails whip and used it on my butt and later on the middle of my upper back. The whip seemed more dramatic than the spoon, like real S&M, but the whip hurt less at first so I liked it a lot more until she increased the length of the whipping sessions.

My girlfriend would whip me, then pause and caress me, whip me some more, and alternate fast and slow. I enjoyed that a great deal because it meant feeling like a victimized slave for an extended period of time and during our real life when she ordered me around or just entered a room, I enjoyed the feeling of fear I had in her presence due to the knowledge that she could tie me down and whip me at any time. She would even extend the pain longer if I committed some sort of real life transgression such as forgetting to turn the outside light on for when she got home late or forgetting to kiss her feet right away. The extra whipping for punishment was delivered with extra force and I hated it but it helped me enjoy the fear and real life slavery.

Being whipped was at first scary for me but then I realized that the pain was not too bad. Once the whipping sessions became longer, I was pushed towards my limit and worried before each session that this would be the time I would need to safe word.

One time during extended punishment I felt like I was just about to safe word when I had a strange experience. I felt my body loosen up and suddenly the pain was bearable. There was not less pain, it was increasing with each blow, but I sort of let myself go and basked in the submissive feeling.

I was crying like a baby but my girlfriend and I had great sex immediately afterwards. She was extremely turned on at making me cry.

After this experience, I felt even more of a slave and my girlfriend really enjoyed rubbing it in my face. We were a normal couple in public and at our jobs but otherwise I was a complete sub-human to her Mastery. And I loved it.

Chapter 2

I don’t know when our relationship went too far. Maybe it was when she started occasionally demeaning and berating me in front of strangers or making me wear a bit of lipstick in while shopping with her at the supermarket. Maybe it was when she stuck that huge butt plug in me even though I really didn’t consent to it, I hate that thing with a passion even though it isn’t painful per se, more just very uncomfortable. Maybe it was when she started using electric shocks on my thighs and butt even though I freak out just at the thought of it.

I ask myself why I can’t bring myself to safe word and I don’t have a great answer for myself. If only I had nip this in the bud, maybe there would be some decent limits. But I just love the feeling – in the privacy of our home – of being her humiliated slave.

And she loves victimizing me. At first I wasn’t sure whether she was enjoying it or just trying to make me happy but I quickly realized that she revels in making me as miserable as possible. If she found out that it was too much and too far, I believe that she would leave me and find one of the probably million other men – many of them younger, better looking, and richer – who would enjoy everything she does.

Ridiculous for me to fear losing my girlfriend of 10 years? Maybe. But she told me as much, many times. And it is in our contract.

I regret signing the contract 5 years ago. It is not legally binding, of course, slavery is illegal but the detailed de-humanizing contract states in no uncertain terms that if I opt out then she opts out of our relationship. She became so enamored with her control over me that she locked us into this Master-slave relationship.

I am not certain what would happen if I asked her how she would feel about ratcheting down the control and pain by a factor of 10 but I believe that she is addicted to it and we both know that she could easily find another man to satisfy her many needs. I count myself very lucky that she does not want to cuckold me, I believe that I could not take that and would safe word but I’m not even sure of that.

I guess it’s safe to say that I am addicted to her.

Every couple of months I re-evaluate and learn to enjoy even the more extreme things she does to me. When compared to what else is out there, she doesn’t really do extreme things to me at all, it is just that they seem extreme because they are very painful and/or humiliating to my sensitive body and mind. So for a while I learn to enjoy being whipped on the soles of my feet making it hard to walk due to the pain or screaming into a pillow from the pain of a crop on my bare butt, or even the electrodes on my thighs since she never sets the pain level too high.

But then she finds more toys and techniques to torture me with and we go through another cycle of weeks of horror followed by weeks of acceptance and then weeks of enjoyment.

I only hope that she does not choose one of the devices I have seen on the internet which go way beyond my limits. Then again, just a year ago I would have thought that hot wax dripping on my skin was beyond my limits.