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Phoebe; sex and punishment
Author: Martin Wall
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(Added on Apr 4, 2011)
(This month 61785 readers) (Total 67306 readers) |
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Phoebe receives multiple severe punishments before embarking on a night of lust with her sister. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 3 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7/10) |
Average
Rating:  (8/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (9/10) |
| Lowest
Rating: (7/10) |
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| Reviewer:
jip
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 18, 2012 |
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very hot story, good action (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
Michael247
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 13, 2011 |
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I spent a whole minute trying to figure out how to rate this one. It was rather difficult.
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Okay, the first thing I want to say here is that the author has a pretty vivid imagination. His ability to envision devilish delights in obviously pretty decent. The public humiliation Phoebe gets, along with all the torture and sex is just mind boggling. Kudos for that.
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Where the story falls short, and why i wobbled on the rating, is because there is very little emotional content involved. It read like a transcript of a sex scene, rather than a story. Description, other than of the action sequences, was practically non-existent and what I MOST missed was the increase of sexual tension as certain activities were being done to poor Phoebe. Didn't she OBJECT to being paraded around nude? Didn't she object to being used by her sister's friends? Was there a crowd gathered to watch? What did the villa look like? What did the table that Sam was tied to feel like under her skin?
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I think this author has got some great ideas, a firm grasp of the technicalities of writing, but I'd love to see him focus on the HUMANITY behind his characters. The challenge? Add a sentence incorporating the concept of "she felt..." to every action, and we move from Good, to Awesome.
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Yours Faithfully, Michael Alexander
(www.michaelalexanderstories.com) (7/10)
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- Replied by:
sexharvester
(Edit) (Apr 13, 2011)
- I agree completely, this was a rewrite of one of my first stories and I wanted to get my foot in the door. I am rewriting the story to include aspects of what you said above. I also feel that Nicole's relationship with Samantha needs to be explained and what transpired between Phoebe and Nicole that necessitated such a painful accident.
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| Reviewer:
budd666
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 12, 2011 |
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needs more chapters (7/10)
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