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Love,Honor, Obey
Author: TxEric
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(Added on Dec 1, 2010)
(This month 56928 readers) (Total 67274 readers) |
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This story is based on true events of a few years ago. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 2 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (4/10) |
Average
Rating:  (3.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (5/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (2/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Dryhill
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 3, 2010 |
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Four well trained soldiers armed with M16's can, at night, seem to be a group of twenty. This is done by firing short bursts of fire and moving quickly from one place to another. This type of action can totally confuse their enemy.
This story reminds me very much of the well trained soldiers, there are many short bursts of narrative that totally confused me. i am sorry this might be a good story but i became fed up with it before gettig a third of the way through it.
(2/10)
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 2, 2010 |
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The idea behind the story --while nothing novel-- is okay and the story itself not such a bad one, but the writing leaves a lot to be desired.
Too many too short sentences, which each tell little stories of themselves, but too often don't seem to fit together, or seem to jump entire ideas altogether, leaving too many things unsaid.
Then there's information, like when the guy keeps saying he's got everything to seduce Tonya planned to a tee, and then comes up with the well thought over and meticulously planned line "Would you like to come back home with me and have a night cap?"... yeah right.
Of course she says "sure", because that's the plan of the author anyway, so how could she say "no"?
Things are rushed incredibly too, leaving no room for feelings in between the author's eagerness to get to the juicy parts.
The juicy parts then, are not as juicy as one would expect, and are interrupted by a cellphone with a sticky message, from which point on, the story becomes a surreal collage of ideas and thoughts which don't make sense, let alone a story.
I can only suggest to TxEric to, next time, take his time to fill out his narrative and keep a hold on the storyline, cuz this one's all over the place.
JJ (5/10)
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- Replied by:
TxEric
(Edit) (Dec 2, 2010)
- Thanks for the review. I originally published this story at the XNXX website. It currently rates at about 90.2. I have other stories there as well. Regards, TxEric
- Replied by:
JimmyJump
(Edit) (Dec 2, 2010)
- I have an account at XNXX under the same name as here. It's been a while I've been there, though.
And do yerself a favor and read some of those high rated stories at XNXX. You'll come to the conclusion that a high rating doesn't necessarily mean a high quality story, just that at XNXX there's a lot of folks who are easily satisfied and/or think that getting a hard-on from a story's content must mean that the story is well written... A serious misconception, I'm afraid and certainly not a meter to measure your 'talent' with.
JJ
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