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Niece\'s Funeral Horror
Author: Finc
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(Added on Nov 20, 2006)
(This month 60922 readers) (Total 86524 readers) |
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sweet teen falls prey to her peverted relations. Kidnapped drugged and fucked in an orgy of revenge |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 12 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (8/10) |
Average
Rating:  (8.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (9/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (5/10) |
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 7, 2010 |
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I thought I had added a review for this one. maybe it want awol last december.
I also remember I had some strong grudges against the way Candice was abducted. In the back of a rented limo.
With uncle Bertie having a chloroform-drenched hankie in his back pocket. Must be a water- and smellproof back pocket. Chloroform smells through almost anything. certainly a backpocket. Plus, when exactly did Bertie put the chloroform on the hankie? During the service?
Bertie was also conveniently sitting in the limo, with Candy walking towards it all by her sobbing self. Normally, Bertie and Stephie would have stayed with the girl by way of support.
also --and I remember I said this last time-- how on earth was Bert gonna get the girl out of the car with the driver sitting in front? Even with the pane up, the guy must look in his mirrors to watch folk getting out of his car. *Especially* with the pane up.
On top of that, Bert is pulling Cany to his lap and starts to rape her soon after. In the fucking car. I mean, that scheming couple must have "Please Catch Us" tattooed on their foreheads, or what?
Too much wishful thinking from the author again, I fear. Too rushed as well. There's no build-up to what's happening to candy. Like Bertie and Stephie didn't plan anything ahead. Which could mean that Finc didn't plan anything either. That's why this whole abduction thing is smelly. Too smelly for comfort.
And as cherry on the pie, Finc has again fallen back to littering the story with numerous errors. Carelessness a go-go again.
Too bad, because with a little more attention paid to the writing, especially the plotline, this could have become something nice.
JJ (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
lorslicky
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 2, 2006 |
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hot would like to read more (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
Darklord17
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 2, 2006 |
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Great Start. Can't wait for the conclusion.
(9/10)
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| Reviewer:
Thorstadt
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 2, 2006 |
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Great story, hoping for a follow up, lets get her in thise outfits... (9/10)
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- Replied by:
finc
(Edit) (Dec 2, 2006)
- No need for a sequel lots more of my tales to come on this site. Wait until you read Dr Nooo! and Texas dildo massacre to name just two to see what i have instore
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| Reviewer:
Haelix
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Dec 1, 2006 |
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It's got potential. I didnt really read it looking for the holes, I read it for the good idea. Cant wait to read more friend! (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
subbaby
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 28, 2006 |
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made me hot and horny
(9/10)
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| Reviewer:
chksng19
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 25, 2006 |
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Lovely piece, succinct and properly ended. Nicely done! (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
maid sue
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 24, 2006 |
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great well wrote can not wait for part two three four five will it never end (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
EngineX
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 22, 2006 |
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Good story - enjoyed the set up which is often neglected but really helps to build the atmosphere. I'd like some more of this too... (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
finc
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 22, 2006 |
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I don,t want to shoot the messenger (and give myself a bad reputation straight away) but sorry i just can't agree on these thoughts below.
First how boring would it have been to have spent paragraph after paragraph explaining how they sent letters to schools etc. just take that as read that they would. She's come a 1000 miles back to her aunts, it would be easy to say she'd moved schools or something like that as they are now her only relatives (did you read this story fully?).
But in the end this is not a "DIY abduct your neice handbook" and it needs to move at a fair pace to keep readers interest
2nd Sex with a uncle is technically not incest (but as near as I,d ever want to write)
(9/10)
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- Replied by:
finc
(Edit) (Nov 22, 2006)
- first time i,ve done this - not meant to rate my own story. My mistake
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| Reviewer:
azrlg17
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 22, 2006 |
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OK, so a 16 year old girl comes from boarding school to her parents funeral and lives with her uncle/aunt. They abduct her and he tells her nobody will come looking for her? What about her friends/teachers? They know where she went. It's such an easy abduction case the aunt/uncle deserve a Darwin award.
With minimal effort the story could have gon from zero (or even negative) believability to at least a maybe. They would just have to become her guardians (only or closest relatives), transfer her schooling to a local place. Then change it to homeschooling and then do the evil deed. Still not foolproof but at least not totally ridiculous.
The story is missing an incest code. (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
ynyn
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Nov 20, 2006 |
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Loved this story! Very hot,and very detailed!! Tell me there is a second part in the works!! (9/10)
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- Replied by:
finc
(Edit) (Nov 22, 2006)
- no second part to this, but i have lots more tales ready to submit
- Replied by:
finc
(Edit) (Nov 22, 2006)
- .
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