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Breaking Katchen
Author: Eden's Girl
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(Added on Sep 2, 2005)
(This month 9752 readers) (Total 30199 readers) |
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Girl cheats on boy, so boy locks girl in a shed and fucks her silly. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 12 |
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8% |
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17% |
42% |
25% |
8% |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (8/10) |
| Average
Rating: (8/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (10/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (4/10) |
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 21, 2006 |
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grea idea, great storyline and story (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
Dododecapod
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 15, 2005 |
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Not bad at all. The anonymous "hero" of the tale is maybe a little too calm about it all; but then, it's clear that he's had some time to think, and has basically given up on not getting caught, so maybe it's not so strange.
Your choice of the diary format is a good one, since with that format you aren't trying to engage the reader as emotionally as you want to in other formats. However, a real diary would leave out all the information about where he and his GF live; he'd only put down what had changed, not the background.
Your writing is good if unexceptional, and your editing is excellent. Well done. (8/10)
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- Replied by:
Eden's Girl
(Edit) (Sep 16, 2005)
- *nods* that's true. I ought to alter the text to better reflect a diary, huh? It's like I got it confused with a letter at some points. How annoying. Thank-you for taking the time to review!
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| Reviewer:
Dee Driscoll
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 14, 2005 |
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Nasty. Good language, good dialogue, satisfyingly violent and un-PC. I for one think that the racist/ murderous angle added to the intensity of the lead character. Actually, I think it also made some promises that the story in its limited space didn't actually deliver on. (This is just a convoluted way of saying that the premise of the story has potential beyond what the author decided was its final form) The motivation of characters, while convincingly portrayed was not actually all that believable to me, but this is less of a problem than usual since the story has near-perfect pacing and its intensity makes up for it. Good stuff, I'd like to see you expand on this. (8/10)
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- Replied by:
Eden's Girl
(Edit) (Sep 16, 2005)
- Thanks for the criticism, it's always useful :) I didn't develop this story as much as I could have, no - I wanted to keep it short and sweet, though. I am working on a much longer and more detailed piece at the moment, but it's not a part two to this tale, I'm afraid.
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| Reviewer:
angelgirl
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 12, 2005 |
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Hi Edan's Girl
Don't be to sad when someone like "heycarrieanne" rips you. If it wern't for her ripping me I never would have looked to see what she did to other authors. Your story is great and I think I might just cancel her bad rating for you.
Love
Angelgirl (10/10)
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- Replied by:
Eden's Girl
(Edit) (Sep 13, 2005)
- Well, thank you very much!
*big smile*
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| Reviewer:
BDSgirl
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 11, 2005 |
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i do like the way you write girl. not overly wordy, but the words you use have good effect. for me - hot story (8/10)
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- Replied by:
Eden's Girl
(Edit) (Sep 13, 2005)
- Thanks. A nice compliment :)
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| Reviewer:
bdsmbill
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 7, 2005 |
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Well, the racial element was unnessary, but the story was otherwise pretty good. A think a nice touch would have been for her to tell him she had been being raped. On the other hand, the Black rapist is such a cliche... (7/10)
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- Replied by:
Eden's Girl
(Edit) (Sep 13, 2005)
- Hmm, good idea. I might rewrite it with that in mind, curb the racial element while I'm at it, too. But then, maybe it wouldn't work at all...
*frown*
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| Reviewer:
dovex
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 6, 2005 |
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Ok im black but i can see where using the um, word, was part of the story and not a racial slur. Either way, good one! (7/10)
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| Reviewer:
Breathless
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 5, 2005 |
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Okay, I'll admit I was taken aback by the racist aspect and language, but I immediately shifted gears to see that as part of the character (vs. the author) and found that it added to my disgust, fear and hatred of him. The dialogue and motivation are very realistic, and I'm ashamed to admit that the brutality of this piece got me very hot.
Why not continue the story, Eden's Girl? She's still locked in the shed, after all! (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
Jaytee
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 5, 2005 |
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Well written, very enjoyable. Not bad at all and could get better. (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
heycarrieanne
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 3, 2005 |
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"Nigger"??? You must be a Bush supporter! (4/10)
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- Replied by:
Eden's Girl
(Edit) (Sep 3, 2005)
- Oh, a low rating for a racial slur - fantastic! *eyeroll* I'm sorry if that detracted from the story for some, but I invented a character. Doesn't necessarily reflect my views, ya know?
- Replied by:
heycarrieanne
(Edit) (Sep 3, 2005)
- Sweetie, using the "N" word is a good reason for a low score!!!
- Replied by:
Jaytee
(Edit) (Sep 5, 2005)
- That is a fucking stupid reason to give a perfectly good story a low score.
hugs n kisses
A. Liberal
- Replied by:
bdsmbill
(Edit) (Sep 7, 2005)
- Interesting you would suggest use of the term would make the author a Bush supporter. As I recall, Bush has appointed more African Americans (and other minorities) to cabinet positions than any other President in history. I've read that ignorance is bliss, so you must be a very happy person.
- Replied by:
heycarrieanne
(Edit) (Sep 7, 2005)
- Actually, I am working on my PhD, but thanks for asking. And what other president left their own citizens literally out on their rooftops looking for rescue?
- Replied by:
bdsmbill
(Edit) (Sep 8, 2005)
- As a 20+ year college professor, one thing I have learned is that having degrees does not preclude ignorance. The feds were there 12 hours after receiving the request from the Governor of LA -- without it, they were legally barred from coming in. No, the big problems in this horrible tragedy were caused by the mayor and governor.
- Replied by:
heycarrieanne
(Edit) (Sep 8, 2005)
- Or maybe you just have to live on the Gulf Coast to understand ...
- Replied by:
Eden's Girl
(Edit) (Sep 13, 2005)
- Maybe. But I live in the UK. I don't think Bush has very many supporters amongst our populace, and I'm certainly not one of them. Not that that has anything to do with racism, at least as far as I'm concerned - living where I do, *of course* :)
I'm relieved to see that other people have a more level-headed attitude to story ratings.
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| Reviewer:
cdacat
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 3, 2005 |
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A fantastic, vicious little read with great imagery and realistic, believable dialogue. The only (small) issue I had was the racist element in that found it a bit distracting. Otherwise, an excellent nc tale. I sincerely hope to see more of your work here soon. (9/10)
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- Replied by:
Eden's Girl
(Edit) (Sep 3, 2005)
- Thank you ^^ I plan on submitting a few more stories when I have the time to write them.
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| Reviewer:
Mad Lews
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Sep 2, 2005 |
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a nasty little story, fairly well written, which revels in the "devil may care" attitude of the betrayed. No heroes in this one but a lot of pain. Definitely not for the politically correct! (8/10)
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- Replied by:
Eden's Girl
(Edit) (Sep 4, 2005)
- Thank you for your review! Gave me a nice boost :)
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