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Missing in Action
Author: Jenny
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(Added on Apr 22, 2003)
(This month 48062 readers) (Total 54339 readers) |
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Jenny learns the ropes of BDSM through her new master at his secluded manor, as the outside world searches for her, believing her to be kidnapped. Authors note: This is a first chapter to a new story that I am working on. Thus, this is only the beginning and just explains the situation, with no real BDSM involved, yet. Please be patient while the other chapters are uploaded. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 3 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (5/10) |
| Average
Rating: (5/10) |
| Highest
Rating: (5/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (4/10) |
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Feb 28, 2007 |
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needs to be longer and more character development (5/10)
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| Reviewer:
ladys_maid
(Edit) |
Rating: |
May 18, 2003 |
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The story so far is OK, but I have a couple of suggestions. Firstly, it needs a prequel - we don't know anything significant about the master or slave and it would be best to get that information on the table up front so we have some characterization to work with. Secondly, check the writing for spelling, grammar and repetition errors (I noted that para 2 of the story contained 3 "before"s, 3 "door"s and the whole para is only 3 lines long!). Try to avoid single sentence paras. Hope this helps - this story has promise. (4/10)
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| Reviewer:
Moggy
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Apr 23, 2003 |
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Some advice as requested:
- It was too short, and gives the reader no chance to get into the story. Remember that you are competing for the reader's time and affections with many other stories here.
- 'No BDSM yet'. Always deliver some action in each chapter. That's why we are reading.
- Grammar and spelling are reasonable, but the flow of the writing could be improved
- The premise of the story could be intriguing, but make sure you know where it's heading.
Good luck.
(5/10)
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