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The Brandon File
Author: Gillian Grey
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(Added on Nov 12, 2002)
(This month 12934 readers) (Total 27185 readers) |
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How could he stand the humiliation by that arrogant woman! He would take her down and make her begging under his feet. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 2 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (7/10) |
Average
Rating:  (7.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (8/10) |
| Lowest
Rating: (7/10) |
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| Reviewer:
mkemse
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Mar 23, 2004 |
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not bad,i do not need to give a long review to make my point (8/10)
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| Reviewer:
e.e. norcod
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jan 14, 2004 |
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This is what appears to be a first attempt at internet fiction by what appears to be an English author. And not a bad attempt. There are only minor misspellings and the grammar is acceptable. The writer makes a pretty fair attempt to get into the head of Brandon the protagonist and to a lesser degree into the far more interesting head of Dr. Elizabeth Chase, his victim.
What does this story lack. First of all good paragraph and chapter structure. If you are James Joyce twenty pages of free flowing text is acceptable. However, it took Joyce almost thirty years to gain acceptance and "Gillian Grey" is not James Joyce. Building paragraphs and assembling them into chapters (3 or 4 would work) would make this work far more accessible. For a fiction of this good a quality to go over a year without a review means that of the dozen or so reviewers who normally love this kind of story, zero wanted to stick it out to the end. Building paragraphs and chapters is more than anything a techincal task and should be readily within the talents of "Gillian Grey".
The second area for improvement is a more subjective one. Novelty, colorful twists and a snappy ending that will raise this story to the top of the heap amoung "Professional Womens Trapped Into Sex Slavery" stories. Herein it is harder to make suggestions because we are talking creativity. What I might do in the way of creativity would probably fall flat for this author. My only suggestions are (i) go with what you know well and (ii) go with your fantasies.
I hope that the author continues to attempt fiction. There is the glimmering of a talent here that requires only technical discipline and the unleashing of the imagination. Keep at it and I hope to see more of your writing here. (7/10)
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