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Prisoner of the New Republic
Author: Jack Harlequin
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(Added on Jun 22, 2014)
(This month 114195 readers) (Total 114195 readers) |
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Mona was 25, beautiful, and happily married. Then everything changed, and she was branded a criminal in the New Republic. |
| Ratings and Reviews: |
| Number
of Ratings: 3 |
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Weighed
Average (?):  (6/10) |
Average
Rating:  (6.5/10) |
Highest
Rating:  (9/10) |
Lowest
Rating:  (4/10) |
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| Reviewer:
Southernsub06
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Oct 10, 2014 |
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Very good story but I had trouble following when the point of view changed or when the dialogue changed from talking to thinking. I liked the plot and the ideas presented in the story. (9/10)
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| Reviewer:
JimmyJump
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 28, 2014 |
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Good idea, badly executed. Story starts off well though, with decent descriptions of Mona's panic attacks.
The addition of the rape threats, made by leering stereotypes is a telltale sign of where things are gonna go: South.
Once we get to the hypnosis part, we're so far South we fall off the chart, while the author all of a sudden seems to have lost the abitlity to come up with some half-decent conversations.
Instead of going at it like a seasoned pro, Jack-In-The-Box delivers a modus operandus akin to a failed car mechanic attempting to build a particle accelerator in his garden shack.
Well, Jack had me kinda hypnotized, at least; moreso by the simpletonian structure of the hypno-wizard's thinking processes and stupefying manner in which he goes about things than by the great-googeli-moogeliness of the story.
Hit the road, Jack, and come back with more and better...
JJ (4/10)
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| Reviewer:
Piers
(Edit) |
Rating: |
Jul 10, 2014 |
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In general, I liked the story. It needed a bit, though. It was good as far as it went, but why not add a description of the Concubine quarters as well? you touched on several things that could have enriched the story. I think you were focusing on the hypnosis technique to the detriment of the rest of the story. It started out well, but seemed hurried by chapter 3 (6/10)
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