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19.
Another miserable night and another day without Alan had dawned. Sometime during the night, between restless moments of sleep, I had decided to submit my resignation, effective at the end of the semester. I would start all over again. I couldn't bring myself to crawl to him again but I also knew I could not remain in the same city without being tempted to do so.
I had no idea how I would make it through the semester. I'd been tired and snappish all morning. Repeatedly, I had found myself touching the gold choker around my neck. I was torn between having it removed and keeping it. It seemed that it would be all I would ever have of Alan. In fact, during lunch, a tenaciously inquiring Jenny had pestered me as to its origin. I had more or less told to mind her own business. She would probably never speak to me again.
I suffered into the afternoon but then I could no longer take it. I went to the Dean's office and told his secretary that I was simply too ill to carry on.
Driving home, I wondered if I shouldn't stop off at the Pig and Whistle and drown my sorrows. It occurred to me that I might go in there and pick up the first halfway presentable male I found and screw his socks off. Wonderful, I thought, by day, I could be the meek, mild Professor of history and by night, a prowling, suburban slut. As I came to the pub, I accelerated past it, as though it were responsible for my entertaining such garish thoughts.
Home at last, I threw off my clothes and hurried to the shower. With the spray as hot as I could stand it I let it beat on my neck. I was lost in the heat and steam and the sound of the door chime almost escaped me.
"Damn."
I grabbed my robe and hurried to the door. A distorted face above a brown UP uniform peered back at me through the spyglass. I signed for a small but very heavy parcel. On my way back to the bedroom I remembered Alan's words.
"I have ordered a gold leash to match that collar. I've instructed the jeweler to send it to you when it's ready."
The shower was still running but the parcel in my hands was a strong magnet holding my attention. Feeling as if I was opening Pandora's box, I unwrapped it. It was a flat case done in red Moroccan leather. I slowly opened it. Bedded in satin, a length of beautifully worked gold lay curled like a slender serpent of temptation. I drew it out through my fingers. A cream colored envelope had been hiding beneath it. I slipped the card from it.
"My Darling Miara,
I know the deepest part of you hungers for what we can share together. If I seemed harsh or cruel, it was only because I wanted to shock you awake. This piece of jewelry is merely a golden symbol of commitment. Please…attach it to the collar you wear so beautifully and bring it to me. I swear I will only use it to lead you to the life we both deserve. To the place where we belong…together.
Love, Alan.
I let his card slip from my fingers. I opened my robe and holding each end of the chain's length, I dragged its weight up across my body. All the sensations of that first night with Alan seemed to flow into me from its cool touch on my skin. I looped it around my wrist and choked up on it, pinning my hand to the bed. The memory of how my helplessness had freed my pleasure was vivid. I felt my pussy begin to flow.
Almost in a trance, I got up from the bed and moved to the bathroom. I wiped the steam from the mirror and watched myself as I clipped the end of the chain to the collar's ring. I thought how often I'd looked at this mirror and found myself lacking. I looked now, with Alan's golden symbol hanging between my breasts and I felt incredibly beautiful and sexy. I wanted to make love to myself… but even more urgently; I knew that I needed Alan's hands on me.
I barely remembered to turn off the shower as I hurried for my raincoat. Wearing only that and a pair of flats, I bolted for my car.
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