Small Sacrifices I
Their love had always been based on that unconditional love they had for one
another. Their love was one of those surreal dreams you hear about all the
time, but never witness much less fortunate to experience. Two best friends
against all odds found love in one another. Love. That love still existed.
Justin refused to let that love die. He lived to know that JC loved him. And
true, Josh loved Justin. And Justin loved Josh. JC had always made sacrifices
for his young lover. And Justin would return that love by making his share of
sacrifices.
It was just recently now that Justin started to feel as if he was making more
sacrifices for the sake of their love. They lived in the limelight. Every move
they made together was constantly being scrutinized, making spending time
together an almost impossible task. JC no longer visited him at the sets of
his movies bearing a carton of his favorite ice cream. It was always Justin
making that midnight flight to catch JC at a small gig and flying across the
continent back to wake up for his morning shoot. There were far too many times
when JC cancelled their plans for an evening out in town at the last minute to
meet with agents, Justin understood. After all, he was there, too, when 'Nsync
arose from mere spectacles to dominate the pop world.
At the pinnacle of Justin's career, the rumors of the two lovers spread like
wild fires, escalating to mass proportions. Justin's career wasn't affected
much, not the way the rumors had had a strain on JC's static career. JC had
explained to Justin that they couldn't spend nearly as much time together
anymore. JC had requested him to stop attending the remaining press conferences
of the year. The rumors would never be extinguished if the media saw him at the
press conferences. And Justin would tell JC that it was okay. He had planned to
go out and play ball anyways despite the below freezing Chicago temperature.
And when JC asked him to sit at another table during an award show late last
year, Justin wanted nothing more than to cower and die. Instead, he put on his
million dollar smile and joined Lance in the table reserved for rumored
boyfriends for a pop star like JC whose fan base was still predominantly teenage
girls could not possibly have a homosexual relationship. When JC forgot his
birthday earlier this year, Justin was devastated, but understood. He had been
working diligently all week long. He didn't mean to forget his birthday. And
JC apologized relentlessly. He even got down on his knees for him. How could
you deny a man on his knees? You couldn't. They made up later in the week
with JC taking Justin to an Orlando Magic basketball game. Courtside seats,
too. JC had done so much for him. So, when he was offered a role in an
upcoming period piece working beside Paul Newman, Justin turned down the offer
without any hesitation. The film could establish him as more than just your
pretty blonde bombshell, offering a more challenging role than his type-cast
role of high school heartthrob falling for the school outcast. But the film
would take him to the countryside of Ireland for at least four months. Four
months he could just sit and gaze at JC all day as he worked on his material.
Now towards the end of the four month period that he could have spent in
Ireland, Justin was bored out of his mind. And sad to say, regret was on his
mind. He silently cursed himself for having such thoughts. JC has always made
sacrifices for him. He, too, could sacrifice for JC. The timing was perfect.
JC, the solo artist, was starting to make noise in the musical world. It was
his time now to soar as a solo artist. Music was his life. There was no
question. Singing was innate for JC as breathing was for an ordinary person.
It was something he knew how to do and something he was good at. It was the
only thing that came natural to him. To stop singing was to stop breathing.
And because this was JC's time, Justin must support him whole- heartedly.
Besides, it was only a movie. Another offer would come, but a love like this
only happened once in a lifetime. This was their once in a lifetime.
The silence echoing in the room gnawed at Justin mercilessly. The clock hanging
over yonder at the back of the room continued to tediously ticked away precious
seconds. Seconds he could not ask for anymore. Once gone, forever gone. On the
eve of their 1st year anniversary, instead of celebrating the coming day, his
boyfriend had literally barricaded himself inside their bedroom. And because he
wished to spend every moment of his waking hours with him, he chose to stay
inside as well. It had been several hours. The sun was glinting across the
length of the dark oak table. It was such a beautiful day, but what was a
beautiful day without spending it with the one you love. He could no longer sit
still. He began nibbling on his fingernails as he tapped repeatedly on the
table, vying for his attention.
"Josh."
"Not now."
"Josh, please."
"What is it?!" JC snapped, exasperatedly.
"Never mind." Justin pouted.
He got up from his seat next to JC and walked away. His head hung low as he
made his way toward the door. Why wasn't he stopping him? Why didn't he care
if he left or not? Tears were brimming in his eyes as his hand wrapped around
the brass doorknob. He turned the knob open ready to leave when he felt a cold
hand enclosed over his, pulling the door shut.
"I'm sorry." JC whispered into his boyfriend's ear. "Please don't leave. You
ought to know by now that everything I do is for us. For you alone."
Justin sighed deeply, wallowing in the faded memories of their once thriving
relationship.
Justin closed his eyes to prevent the tears from escaping. He sighed deeply.
Without turning his head, he twisted out of JC's hold to massage his cold hand
warm. JC had been writing busily all day. The spring breeze caressing the white
curtains left JC's hands cold and dry.
Cold and dry hands he would kiss for always.
(c) 2001 Aphrodite
