Golden Phoenix
Disclaimer: Not true because we all know that Joey doesn't drink at all, right?
Rating: NC-17 overall. And yes, there will be violence, including rape.
Summary: ~Joey has always been willing to accept his fate as an alcoholic
until...~
Author's Notes: I was going to send this another day, but I figured I might aqs
well put this story to rest now. I still can't believe this story got posted
here. Furthermore, I can't believe people actually read it. Thanks to everyone
who read the story and even bigger thanks to those who emailed me. Thanks!
Other Affiliates:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NSAngst
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Ndecent_Pleasures
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Little_Boy_Blue
Golden Phoenix
~Epilogue~
That fateful night of October 3rd would be forever etched in Justin's mind. He
would never forget that night, the night he received that phone call that would
alter the course of his life as well as the lives around him forever.
"Justin, I think you need to come right now."
It was Chris.
"Where at?"
"St Francis Memorial hospital, the emergency room."
Justin could tell that Chris wanted to say more, but he didn't need to know
more. He hung quickly without saying good-bye. He was already on his way.
Justin drove to the hospital effortlessly. It was nearly 3 am and at such late
hours, there wasn't a car in sight. He could barely see past the tears in his
eyes. Chris's voice when he called told him that something had happened,
something bad had happened. What? He did not know.
When he arrived at the hospital, he met with his friends briefly before being
ushered through a hall, around the corner, and through another hall, until he
was finally stopped in front of a room.
"Mr. Bass is waiting for you." The nurse told him.
"Thank you." He whispered, inaudibly.
His focus was on his best friend inside. Justin pushed the door slightly until
he could slip inside. Once inside, he slowly shut the door behind. He turned
around and he gasped out loud, collapsing onto the floor. Tears streamed down
his face as he tried to shake away the image of Lance's bandaged face
unsuccessfully.
"C'mere." Lance mumbled, so soft Justin barely heard him until Lance struggled
to pat the side of the bed for Justin to join him.
It took a moment for Justin to register what Lance was talking about. Once he
did, he rushed to Lance's bedside, taking the seat vacant for him to fill by his
side. Lance took Justin's hand in his and squeezed it gently, assuring him that
things would be fine.
"Do you remember that one story we read together because I had fallen behind and
you helped me by reading half of the book to me so I could catch up?" Lance
spoke warmly, reminiscing over past memories. "That one story about those
Chinese girls."
"You mean the Joy Luck Club."
"Yeah, that's the one."
"Yeah, I remember." Justin said.
"Well, there's that story about the magpies. Don't remember the girl's name."
Lance paused as if to ponder over the names of the characters in the story.
"Go on." Justin urged him.
"Because her mother was weak, she killed herself to give her daughter the
strength." Lance's lips trembled as he spoke to Justin, who only shed more tears
as he listened to Lance's labored breathing. "I'm the mother in that story and
Joey's my daughter."
"Don't talk like that, Lance. You'll be alright. You'll be alright. We'll get
the best doctor around to heal you." Justin cried, refusing to face the truth
before him.
Lance shook his head, sadly. He took both Justin's hands in his and closed his
hands over Justin's.
"No. I know that it's bad. I'm not going to make it, Justin. Hopefully when I'm
gone, Joey will gain that strength."
"Lance." Justin cried, shook even more rigorously.
"Shh..." Lance brought his hands to Justin's face, cupping Justin's face in his
palms. "Everything's going to be alright. And you'll help Joey for me, won't
you, please? Please say you will. Help him find that strength to lead him
forward. Please, Justin. This is all I ask of you. Please."
Justin heard the pleading in Lance's voice even though with each breath, Justin
sensed Lance's life slipping by. He heard the crying from Lance, but he could
not force himself to open his eyes to see Lance in the condition that he was in.
With each beat of the heart, the intensity grew dimmer and dimmer. Justin knew
time was running out and he quickly nodded his head, promising his best friend
that he would look after his boyfriend and see to it that Joey had that strength
to carry through. When he finally opened his eyes, again, he discovered that
time had ran out. The EKG now flat. Lance was gone.
No one knew what went on behind that hospital door, inside that hospital room.
Justin emerged from the room an hour late. His head hung low as he walked back
to the lobby. As Chris paced back and forth, waiting for the doctors to tell
them Joey's status, and JC rocked himself in the chair, humming to the first
song they ever sang together, "The Star Spangled Banner", Justin sat by himself.
His eyes fixated on the red scrawl on the opposite wall. His mind focused on
what he would tell Joey once he was conscious. He had made a promise to Lance
and he intended to keep that promise.
In no time, the doctor joined them in the lobby, announcing that it was a
miracle, that they were able to save Joey, but he would have to remain at the
hospital for the entire week. Everyone cheered for Joey's safety. And as they
celebrated a life saved, Justin managed to slip away, and into Joey's room. He
sat by Joey's bedside, taking his hand in his, and holding it tightly, not ever
wanting to let go.
When Joey finally became conscious and the pain from the surgery subsided to a
bearable degree, Justin decided it was time to tell Joey of his lost.
"Joey, I have something to tell you." Justin began.
And as if Joey could read Justin's mind, his eyes started to mist over and Joey
started to cry, something that Justin had never seen before. He shook his head
in denial.
"This can't be true." Joey kept repeating. "He only had three drinks. He only
drank three glasses. We were driving home. He was behind the wheel because I had
far too many drinks. He only had three. As we were driving home, I saw lights.
Bright, blinding lights. I saw her. I saw her."
"Who, Joe? Who did you see? Who did you see that night?"
"The God of Wine!" Joey roared. The intensity of his voice startled Justin. and
he wanted to get out of the room, but Joey grabbed his arm and held him in
place. Fear radiated from Justin's eyes as he struggled to get away. Then,
suddenly Joey wrapped his arms around him, burying his face against Justin's
chest, weeping. "I saw her, Justin. I saw her. She came to punish me. Instead,
she got Lance. He tried to swerve away, but he couldn't. The alcohol-it affected
him. He couldn't swerve away. If it weren't for me, Lance would be alive today.
I saw her. I saw her." Joey kept repeating.
Justin sat still as Joey continued to mourn for his love lost. Hesitantly, he
brought his arms to encircle around Joey and soon they locked themselves,
together, and wept. There was no more hate for Joey in his heart.
After being discharged from the hospital, Joey checked himself into a treatment
facility while maintaining personal therapy with Dr. Blackwell. He took his
Antabuse everyday. He attended the AA meetings nightly. When asked to join
friends out at town, Joey would politely decline. He no longer wished to mix
with alcohol, no longer wish to be near it. The mere scent of alcohol now made
him nausea. Justin, JC, and Chris would stop by, offering Joey emotional support
as he mourned over Lance while attempting to put his life back together. And
Justin would watch from afar. In his mind, Joey no longer needed them by his
side. It was as if the strength of Lance's character had passed onto Joey for
Joey was a different man. He had determination to succeed like Lance had
determination to succeed in everything that he did. He was more perceptive just
as Lance was. Everything Lance was, Joey was now. And soon on Christmas Eve,
Joey completed a three month program. His certificate of completion, Joey
burned, recovering the ashes to place in Lance's urn. Lance would most certainly
be proud of him.
There was no doubt that Joey Fatone lied beside his lover's body on the side of
the road, that he died that fateful night. And like the legendary Golden
Phoenix, he, too reborn from his ashes that burned with his lover's, becoming a
brand new soul, the man Joey Fatone of today.
~Golden Phoenix was inspired by Third Eye Blind's "God of Wine" from their debut
album.
GOD OF WINE
Every thought that I repent
There's another chip you haven't spent
And you're cashing them all in
Where do we begin to get clean again
Can we get clean again
I walk home alone with you
And the mood you're born into
Sometimes you let me in
And I take it on the chin
I can't get clean again
I want to know can we get clean again
The God of Wine comes crashing through
The headlights of a car that took you farther
Than you thought you'd ever want to go
We can't get back again
We can't get back again
She takes a drink and then she waits
The alcohol it permeates
And soon the cells give way, and cancels out the day
I can't keep it all together
I know I know I know...
I can't keep it all together
And the siren's song that is your madness
Holds a truth I can't erase
All alone on your face
Every glamorous sunrise
Throws the planets out of line
A star sign out of whack, a fraudulent zodiac
And the God of Wine is crouched down in my room
You let me down, I said it, now I'm going down
And you're not even around
And I said no no no...
I can't keep it all together
I know I know I know...
I can't keep it all together
And there's a memory of a window
Looking through I see you
Searching for something I could never give you
And there's someone who understands
You more than I do
A sadness I can't erase
All alone on your face
