Golden Phoenix
Disclaimer: Completely fictitious.
Rating: NC-17 overall. And yes, there will be violence, including rape.
Summary: ~Joey has always been willing to accept his fate as an alcoholic
until...~
Author's Notes: Thank you to the one person who emailed me. Thanks.
Other Affiliates:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/NSAngst
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Ndecent_Pleasures
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Little_Boy_Blue
http://www.friendsnlovers.cjb.net
Golden Phoenix IV
Joey had always known all along that he had a problem. A very serious problem.
Ever since he first licked the beer cans scattered on the floor of his parents'
living room as his father watched football with his friends, Joey knew that one
day, he would be just like his daddy. Like father, like son. Hell, even Steve
was an alcoholic. Why would he be so lucky as to escape this fate? He accepted
it after spending his entire senior year in high school relaxing and enjoying
his weekends by drinking until he longer could stand up straight. He remembered
meeting Dany for the first time and how drawn he was to the slender bottle of
ice cold beer encased by her hand. He loved her. Or maybe it was the fact that
she was older than him and every night they made love, she would make sure Joey
had an ample supply of alcohol to put him at ease. God he missed her.
It had been over an hour now. He was sitting across the table from Dr. Mack, a
psychologist who specialized on substance abuse. And for the past hour and an
half, all Dr. Mack had been doing was preaching.
"Alcohol is very bad for you. It affects you as well as those around you."
The fuck it does.
"The first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem. Joe, do you
feel you have a problem?"
Yes. A very serious fuckin' problem.
"Dr. Mack."
"Yes, Joey."
"I think our time is up." Joey pointed to clock on desk. "It's been two hours
now."
"Yes, it is." Dr. Mack agreed. "I think we made progress today."
All Joey did was smile.
"Great. Mary will schedule you for another appointment."
"I don't think so." Joey finally spoke. "I don't think it will be necessary to
schedule another appointment."
And with that being said, Joey got up and walked away, making sure he blew
kisses to Mary as he exited the office building.
He knew Lance would be so disappointed at him. But he couldn't force himself to
see Dr. Mack anymore or any doctor for that matter. He knew he had a problem.
Hell, it was Joey who came to his friends a little over a year ago, admitting
that he had a serious problem. However, due to the relentless constant touring,
Joey couldn't find the time to seek treatment. He had been able to control his
drinking, only occasionally getting into trouble, but with this last tour, it
was just becoming too much for Joey to handle and so he sought relief in his
liquor friend.
And what a wonderful friend Al was to him. Al accepted him for who he was. He
tasted so good in his mouth, swirling around gently. He was always there when
he needed him. He was always willing to give when he needed him. Al was always
able to take all the worries away from him, take him away to a distant fairy
tale land where he and Lance could make love on a public beach and everything
would be okay. Al was his friend. The more he went to Al, the more Al could
give to him. And soon, he found himself seeking comfort in Al more and more and
in Lance less and less until nearly all of his time was devoted to Al.
"Dr. Mack called."
Lance's voice interrupted his reverie.
"He said that you refused to schedule another appointment with him." Lance
relayed their discussion over the phone. "Joey, I'm disappointed in you. Don't
you get it? You have a problem. You need help."
"Of course, I do!" Joey snapped. "I know I have a fuckin' problem. I don't need
you to tell me everything single fuckin' minute I'm awake that I'm a fuckin'
alcoholic. And what the hell are you doing here in my room on my bed anyways?
Didn't you say that you wouldn't be crawling into my bed anymore?"
The slue of words from Joey's mouth was like a slap to the face. Lance's eyes
misted over with impending tears that he quickly blinked away. He composed
himself quickly and pushed himself off of Joey's bed. His head perked up, he
walked by Joey, trying so hard to keep his tears from falling down on his
flawless face. Too late. They came anyways. Damn tears.
"Lance."
"I just miss my boyfriend so much. Is that a crime?!"
"I'm sorry, baby." Joey grabbed his arm and apologized.
"I miss having your body wrapped around mine at night. I miss the warmth of your
body. I miss your sloppy kisses on my neck. I miss your vibrant smile. I miss
your teddy bear hug. I miss you, Joe."
"Lance, I miss you, too." Joey said to Lance, wrapping his arms around the boy.
"God, I love you so much."
"I love you, too." Lance tiptoed to place a gentle kiss on Joey's lips.
The soft, delicate kiss soon progressed to a passionate kiss intermingled with
animalistic grunts. Tongues darted for dominance as hands fondled the other's
body. Soon thereafter, Lance found himself exactly where he did not wish to be.
In Joey's bed. The lust was too great and Lance could not pry himself away from
Joey's suffocating embrace. Kisses continued. Clothes removed. Skin upon skin.
Joey inside Lance. They cried each other's names as they came, spurting juices
of their love making session.
It was still amazing. And Joey when sober was the best lover Lance ever had. He
was the only lover Lance ever had. Everything about love Lance learned from
Joey. With Joey alone, he could be himself. He could be the little boy he left
behind in Mississippi. He did not need to be in charge. He did not need to make
sure things were done right. Joey took care of everything. Joey allowed him to
be Lance. Joey loved Lance.
They fell into each other's arms as the sunlight peered past the sheer curtains,
basking them in a glow of warmth. It was so nice just lying there, carefree of
all the troubles in the world. For the time being, Joey was in heaven. Nothing
could compare to Lance. Nothing. Not even Al.
No one said it would be easy to quit drinking. But Lance made it so much easier.
At night, Lance would accompany Joey to the local AA meetings they had in
downtown. Disguised in the typical baseball caps and sunglasses, they would
march down the deserted halls and enter the conference room. Once inside, they
would strip of all their disguise and sit at the back. A few people who
recognized them would acknowledged them. Some with questioning look as if they
had every right to judge him. And Lance would just assure him, rubbing his knee.
Lance would intervene. He would tell them that his uncle was an alcoholic and
that he had noticed that sometimes he would have one far too many drinks. He
wanted to help himself before his drinking becomes a problem. Satisfied with his
explanation, they would leave them alone, allowing Joey to slump down in his
chair, hiding himself from every watchful eyes.
Joey never wanted to come to the AA meetings. He didn't believe he belonged to
this group. He didn't believe he was like them. He could not. They were all
much older with awful teeth, beer bellies and bad personal hygiene. He was not
like them. He did not drink every night of his life. On the occasions that he
did drink, he just couldn't stop himself from drinking until he was on the
floor, nearly passed out. But Lance would make him go. And if Lance wanted him
to do so, he would make every effort to please Lance because Lance deserved to
be happy. Lance deserved more than a drunk as a boyfriend. Lance deserved the
moon hanging in the sky if Joey could reach that far. He was just afraid that
his fingers would almost touch it, but never actually hold on long enough to
capture the moon.
"I don't know if I can do this, Lance." He said, one night, while staring at the
open window. The moon hanging in the sky was at her fullest he could almost see
her smile.
"I know." Lance agreed. "You might not be able to make it, but at least you
tried. And for that I've never been more proud of you or more in love with you.
To me, you already won."
"Thank you."
And then they kissed.
It became a routine for them. After every night of an AA meeting Joey attended,
they would celebrate another night of sobriety. Lance would reward him with
delicate kisses only Lance could give. They would make love to each other. And
no alcohol was ever involved. Just the scent of Lance's natural aroma was enough
to intoxicate Joey for hours.
Sometimes even Lance's scent was not enough. Like the time when they stayed home
a week ago and rented movies just the two of them. As Lance got up to use the
bathroom, Joey had somehow snuck a tiny urn of whiskey, dumping its content in
his soda. Lance had no clue. Joey was happy and Lance was happy just seeing his
boyfriend smile that he neglected to notice the signs. It wasn't until later at
night when they kissed that Lance could taste the alcohol on Joey's lips. That
night he refused Joey for the first time since they moved away. And that night,
Joey for the first time forced himself upon Lance.
The phone rang early the next morning and Lance crawled his way toward the
phone, afraid to wake up Joey. He hid in the closet to talk on the phone. It
was JC. JC finally called and he could not have chosen a worse moment. Lance had
tried to be strong. He tried so hard to hide all the pent up emotions. But he
couldn't. It was too much and not too long into the conversation, Lance began to
falter. And JC arrived at their apartment half an hour later.
"Lance. Lance." He heard JC in the apartment.
His head poked out from the closet to find Joey still passed out on the bed. He
tugged on the hanging clothes and threw them on. He carefully crept across the
floor. He pulled himself off the floor and in the process caught a glimpse of
himself in the mirror. A contusion where Joey had laid his hand had darkened
tremendously on the side of his face down to his neck. He could never face JC
like this. Thinking quickly, he scurried to the closet to retrieve a turtleneck
sweater. He pulled it over his head, satisfied that the sweater was able to
cover his neck and if he could just keep his hands on the side of his face, he
would be able to deceive JC for sure so he slid out of the bedroom to greet JC.
"Hi, JC." He said when he saw JC.
"Hey, Lance." JC offered a small smile.
"You got here so soon."
"Yeah, I was in the neighborhood." JC explained to him. "Is everything okay?"
"Of course, it is. Why shouldn't it?" Lance stumbled on his words.
"Because," JC began, "when I called earlier you sounded like you were on the
verge of a mental breakdown. What's wrong, Lance?"
Lance shook his head. He wished JC wasn't visiting them. He wished JC would just
leave them alone. They would make it. They had to, but they would. This was
just one of the obstacles. They would surpass all of them one day. One day.
"And why are you wearing a sweater in the middle of July?" JC questioned. Not
waiting for Lance to answer, JC leapt toward Lance. He pulled onto the sweater,
revealing not only the bruises on his neck and face, but the ones left on his
abdomen and back, the same bruises that marred Justin's body the night that
Joey...
"Oh, my God! What happened? What happened, Lance?!" JC demanded to know, shaking
Lance as if by doing so, all the answers would somehow spill out of him. "Did
Joey force himself on you?"
"No! No!" Lance screamed, but the tears that fell told otherwise.
"He did, didn't he?" JC was even more furious. The anger in his eyes scared
Lance and he latched onto him, fearing that if he let go, JC would sure kill his
boyfriend. "Let me go, Lance. He fuckin' ruined Justin's life already. I'm not
going to let him ruin yours."
"Don't go, please." Lance pleaded with his best friend. "Please just leave us
alone."
"Leave you alone with that bastard that raped you!" JC yelled. He couldn't
believe the words of love coming out of Lance. He couldn't believe someone as
horrible as Joey could have someone as sweet and gentle as Lance and he had no
one. Where was the justice in all of this?!
"Is that true?"
Lance quickly released his grip on JC to move toward his boyfriend. Joey
stumbled into the scene in just boxers, stained boxers. His hair was all over
the face. His eyes droopy, but clearly he heard the conversation in the living
room.
"Is that true what JC said?" Joey asked, again.
Still no answer. Joey shook his head as he realized what he had done the night
before, to his loving and caring boyfriend of all people. Lance didn't want it
last night, but he forced himself on him nonetheless. Ashamed more than
anything else, Joey stumbled towards the door of their apartment. He wanted to
leave. He wanted to leave Lance once and for all so he could move on and find
someone, someone worthy of his love. He didn't deserve Lance. He didn't deserve
anyone.
"Please don't leave!" Lance shrieked, throwing himself toward Joey. Just as
before, he quickly latched onto his boyfriend, "Please, don't leave me like
this. Not now. Not after what we've been through."
"I'm sorry. I don't want to either, but I can't allow you to stay with me. I
don't deserve you, Lance. I don't."
"No. You can't leave." Lance shook his head, his tear-filled eyes pleading for
Joey to stay. "Don't." Lance swiveled his head around, seeking help in his
friend.
JC just shook his head. He hated Joey. He hated everything about Joey.
Everything except Lance. And it broke his heart to see Lance in so much pain. He
stepped forward, and slammed the door shut.
"Not so fast." JC said. "You're not walking away this time."
Joey looked up, his face scrunched in confusion. JC's voice did not lace with
the anger he heard a few minutes ago. His voice was stern. His voice held
authority, but no anger.
"Look." JC began, "I should hate you for everything that you've done, but I've
known you for ten years and during the ten years that we've known each other,
you've been nothing but a good friend to me. I know someone who can help you."
"Help?" The uncertainty in Joey's voice forced JC to continue.
"During the lawsuit, I became addicted to sleeping pills. I couldn't sleep at
all. The only way to fall asleep was to take these pills. And soon, I found
myself taking these pills all the time. It wasn't until I had accidentally taken
more than my system could handle and Justin had found me on the floor, barely
breathing that I went out and got some help."
"We always thought that you and Justin were going to Florida to write music in
case we lost the lawsuit and had to do things ourselves." Lance said.
"Yeah, that was the reason why we went to Florida. My accidental overdose was
the reason why we stayed for so long." JC explained. "Anyways, there's this
doctor back in Orlando who specialized in drug addiction. He can help you.
You'll need to attend support groups in your case, but I think he'll be the one
to help you only if you want to, Joe. It's only if you want to, Joe. If you
don't know, no one else can help you."
"I do." Joey said, sounding more anxious. "I really want to fight this. I can't
be the boyfriend Lance deserves if I keep drinking like this."
"No, you can't." JC said.
"I know." Joey knew at last. He knew what he needed to do.
(c) 2001 Aphrodite for Friends & Lovers
