Chapter Sixteen -- Sunday Services
Katy knew she was in trouble. She and Bruce barely made it to the chapel during
the first hymn. 'All You Need is Love' by The Beatles was blasting out of the
speakers and everyone was tapping their toes or swaying to the music. As the
"Love is all you need" counterpoints faded away, the preacher stood behind the
pulpit.
"Is love all you need?" he asked, looking over the congregation with a blank
expression. "Does anyone here really think that love is all that you need?" he
demanded more forcefully, his brows furrowing into a stern frown. "Can love
provide food? Clothing? The necessities of life? Will love care for your spouses
and children?"
He paused for a long time, waiting until his congregation began to squirm
uncomfortably on the padded benches, before he continued, firmly saying, "Well,
I believe that love is all you need. Not just romantic love, or sexual love, or
even the agape love that we preachers so love to talk about when we talk about
love. The Bible tells us all we need to know about love and that love really is
all you need."
"So let us pray." He bowed his head and let silence reign for a minute. "Lord,
help us all to do your will, to accept your teaching. You are deserving of all
our praise and love. You taught us, reminding us of the Great Commandment, 'Love
the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your
mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it:
Love your neighbor as yourself. All of the Law and the Prophets hinge on these
two commandments.' And Lord, help us all to remember that our spouse is also our
neighbor, deserving of that same love."
Picking up a slip of paper, he continued, "Let us especially remember Gloria and
Sam who are having difficulties with their marriage, working hard to keep their
matrimony holy. And Steven and Christie, whose newborn daughter is suffering
from a congenital heart defect and may not survive the emergency surgery
performed yesterday. Please keep them in your prayers. And..."
The preacher continued a long time, adding more and more names to the prayer
list. He concluded by leading the congregation in the Lord's Prayer.
Then the tall, handsome preacher looked up again and smiled. "Before I continue,
I have some confessions of my own. I'm still not comfortable with what I still
judge to be debauchery and perversion that occurs on the grounds of this school.
So before I agreed to take part in services here, I had to pray long and hard
for guidance. And the Good Lord provided the answers from the Good Book."
"I believed myself to be a good and holy man," he sighed. "I prayed for a sign,
I opened the good book to a random page, hoping, praying. And my eyes fell on
the scripture in the twenty-first chapter of Matthew, verse 31. 'I tell you the
truth, the tax collectors and the prostitutes are entering the kingdom of God
ahead of you.' I took that as an admonition against my judging for my Lord said,
"Do not judge or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others,
you will be judged and with the same measure you use, it will be measured in
you." (Matt 7, 1-2)
"So how am I to judge? Again, Jesus gave me the answer in Matthew 7, verse 18.
'A good tree cannot bear bad fruit and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit.'
Friends, my beloved wife and I were on the verge of divorce few years ago when
she informed me that she was leaving for twelve weeks."
His smile broadened as he softly chuckled into the microphone, "If you think
your being nude is embarrassing and hard to take, imagine what it was like for a
young preacher's wife." Many in the congregation snickered before he continued,
"And I was relieved that she was going. It gave me time to think and to pray.
But I agreed to go to some classes for husbands. I was amazed when I was
reminded of the scriptures along with the sex and communications lectures."
"Jesus taught us, 'At the beginning, the Creator made them male and female and
said, for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to
his wife and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two but one.
Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man separate.'"
During the preacher's last words, the haunting strains of Paul Stookey's
'Marriage Song' drifted softly from the chapel's sound system. By the time the
last refrain of "...whenever two or more of you are gathered in his name, there
is love. There is love." echoed through the chapel, everyone's throat was choked
with emotion and more than a few tears rolled down cheeks.
"Brenda and I had vowed to love, honor, and cherish. And I had convinced myself
that I was fulfilling my vows," the preacher confessed after a suitable
reflective pause. "I wasn't. I had convinced myself that denying sex was good
and holy. I can show you scriptures to support that, that denial. The Puritans
believed in denial. But I'm Baptist. Oops, a lot of Baptists listened to the
Puritans, I'm afraid."
"So listen carefully," he grinned. "This may be the only time you ever hear a
Baptist preacher say this. Do it. Screw each other every chance you get. In
First Corinthians, chapter 7, verse 5, Paul tells us, 'Do not deprive each other
except by mutual consent and for a time so that you can devote yourselves to
prayer. Then come back together so that Satan will not tempt you because of your
lack of self-control."
"I confess to you all that I deprived my wife. I convinced myself that it was
because I was holy, that God's work was more important than my marriage. It is.
But, and this is even more important. By denying my wife, I was going against
the law of God. I was doing wrong. I was sinning."
"In the coming weeks, you ladies will hear many admonitions from the scriptures.
I've heard all of the other sermons so that I wouldn't duplicate the lessons
some of you ladies have already heard. And my lessons are for the men here, the
husbands and future husbands. Men, don't deprive your wives. And ladies, you
have my permission to remind the men."
"So gentlemen, what do the scriptures tell us? Again, it's Paul who commands us
in Ephesians, 5:25, 'Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and
gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with
water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church,
without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this
same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves
his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body but he feeds
and cares for it, just as Christ does the church -- for we are members of his
body.' Each of you must love his wife as he loves himself."
"Paul calls it a profound mystery, the relationship of Christ to his church and
a man to his wife. Paul never married. Most of us have or will. We may never
understand fully, but we can learn. And my beloved wife taught me. She taught me
what it means to love."
The man fondly looked over to his wife, seated to the side of the altar. Once
again, music came from the sound system, a kareoke background. And after the
first chord, the Baptist preacher began singing, "It must have been cold there
in my shadow."
Bette Midler need have no fear that his rendition will ever outsell hers, but he
sang with deep feeling. Both he and his wife were crying tears of joy as he
finished, ".'cause you are the wind beneath my wings." There wasn't a dry eye in
the chapel as he held her and kissed her. No sound was made in the chapel for
several minutes.
Reverend Bradley slowly walked back to the pulpit, glancing back at his wife
several times. He looked out over the congregation. Several women were still
wiping their eyes when he suddenly shouted, "Husbands! Love your wives! This is
the command of God Almighty!"
For the next ten minutes, the preaching was what everyone expected from a
Missionary Baptist preacher. He shouted, then whispered. He quoted scripture and
pronounced his interpretation in a singsong, never seeming to take a breath.
"The apostle Peter, first among the chosen twelve, commands in his first
epistle, 'Husbands, be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them
with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the glorious gift of
life so that nothing will hinder your prayers.'"
"The gift of LIFE!" the preacher shouted. Then he whispered, "Heirs to the
glorious gift, the gift of life. So _NOTHING_ will hinder your prayers. Nothing.
Gentlemen, the next time you kneel between your wife's naked thighs, give
thanks. Pray that you will satisfy her, her physical needs, and her emotional
needs, and her spiritual needs. It is not only right and proper, but also God,
Jesus Christ our Savior, and all of the apostles command that you do so. So how
do you do that?"
"Let's begin with a wife's physical needs. You can learn a bit from books.
But..."
More carefully chosen contemporary music punctuated the long sermon. More
confessions of his own foibles and missteps gave humanity to the lessons. Even
though most of those present were tired from lack of sleep the night before, not
a single person was tempted to doze during his preaching. Everyone, especially
the men, hung on every word until he finally said, "I promised to keep this
under an hour. I will. Remember this. Love one another."
The Beatles recording of 'All You Need is Love' began to play again as a
recessional. Reverend Bradley accompanied his wife to the back of the chapel
where they waited to greet the congregation as they left. Then they all went to
the dining hall for brunch. Reverend Bradley accepted congratulations and thanks
for his sermon as they were served by the erotically dressed sophomores.
"Doesn't that turn you on?" one of the husbands asked, nodding toward a gorgeous
pair of buttocks swiveling away back to the kitchen for a fresh pot of coffee.
"Of course it does," the preacher acknowledged, enjoying the opportunity to
continue his lessons. "But Paul taught me that it's good to marry and have
relations with your wife. It is better to marry than to, as he put it, 'burn
with passion.' Getting turned on, that burning with passion, is acceptable when
the outlet is your spouse. God doesn't make mistakes. He planned for men to get
turned on by looking at women."
"But doesn't it, well." Bruce began uncertainly. "I mean, don't you want to do
it with her?" he asked, again nodding toward one of the naked women, not his
wife.
"And doesn't it say somewhere that just looking is like committing adultery?"
another asked.
"One at a time," the preacher laughed. "First, let's talk about looking. You're
talking about Matthew 5, where Jesus said, 'You heard it said, 'Do not commit
adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already
committed adultery with her in his heart.' That's the same place where Jesus
said, 'If your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away,' and 'if
your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off.' But be very careful about taking
bits and pieces of the Bible out of context and trying to apply them literally.
Otherwise you'll be blind and have no hands."
He continued, "Jesus also said you have about as much chance of getting into
heaven as getting a camel through a needle's eye. If you take that out of
context, then why even try to be good? Because of God's grace, that's why. So
you've committed adultery in your heart. But action speaks louder than words and
you will ultimately be judged on your actions, not your thoughts. I committed
adultery in my heart with that young woman. But in a little bit, I'm going to
commit love with my wife."
"Well said, preacher," Clarice's husband called out, toasting Reverend Bradley
with a glass of orange juice from the next table.
Bruce nodded with understanding, then smiled, and went to findhis naked wife.
Once he found her, obviously enjoying a conversation with some of the other
women, he drifted back to hear that it was all right to "just fuck" once in a
while.
"That was one of my biggest problems," the preacher confessed. "The bondage.
Kinky sex was definitely a Baptist no-no and when Brenda told me how excited it
made her to be rendered completely helpless, I.. Well, I had trouble coping with
that for a while because the first thing I though about was Paul. In First
Corinthians, chapter 6, he tells us that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom
of God. He says, 'Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor
male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor
drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.' And I
believed that anything even slightly kinky came under the heading of 'sexual
immorality'."
"Well, when I have trouble working anything out, I go back to prayer and the
Bible," the reverend recommended. "You can learn a lot there. The first thing I
found was Proverbs, 14:1 which says, 'Homes are made by the wisdom of women but
are destroyed by foolishness.' Was I being foolish? How about Proverbs 12:1.
'Anyone who loves knowledge wants to be told when he is wrong. It's stupid to
hate being corrected.' There are lots of warnings about adultery and consorting
with prostitutes in the Bible but not one word that says you can't tie your wife
up. Believe me, I've read every word many times."
"Well, while I was in Proverbs, I kept reading about gaining knowledge so I
decided I needed to know a little more about what my wife was asking for. Can
you image a preacher taking his wife to a bondage club? Well, I did. We joined
something called 'The Power Exchange' in the Baltimore-Washington area and went
to what they call 'munches" where you get to know people who are kinky in a
nonsexual environment. Know what? I liked them. Most of them are good people."
"Know what else?" he chuckled. "They teach the same things that are in the
Bible. You heard me say from the pulpit, 'treat your wives with respect.' I
don't think I'll ever tell my congregation how much I respect my wife when I
cuff her hands behind her back and make her 'burn with passion', but I do
respect her, her needs and wants and desires to follow another scripture. The
third chapter of First Peter begins, 'Wives, be submissive to your husbands.'
Brenda takes that very seriously." Many the couples gathered around laughed.
"I sure do," she grinned, kneeling before her ordained husband, completely nude.
"My beloved husband."
"Just one of our concessions to the Bible," he chuckled, ruffling her hair
lovingly. "We've agreed that she will never call me 'Lord' or 'Master' because
those titles belong to God. But I know whenever she calls me 'beloved husband',
she's in a submissive mood." Then he added, "And she's horny. I'd better not let
her 'burn with passion' too long or she'll be tempted by Satan. And so might I."
Reverend Bradley reverently took his naked wife's hand and pulled her to her
feet, then walked out of the room, caressing her bare bottom with his hand as he
led her away to show his respect with a paddle.. or maybe a cane, crop, or whip.
The couple was a hot topic of conversation that afternoon as many others cooled
burning passions, now sure that they were doing God's will.
